Think Spring

What's up Oprah's Ass?

I finally finished it! It was hard ignoring all of the negative media surrounding James Frey's book, A Million Little Pieces, but I did (thank God for short attention spans...right?) and late last night, I concluded my literary adventure. First, let me give mad props to Fanny and Jena for recommending the book to me; I concur, the book is very intense.

Getting back to my original question then; what in the hell is up Oprah's ass? I watched the clips from Larry King Live Show in which the author was interviewed where Oprah made that no infamous call into the show reasserting her support for the reformed addict. I then watched parts of her follow-up interview with Frey in a "live" show designed to provide the viewer comfort in knowing that she was going to trap this evil doer. It was at the point that I had a vision.....**queue the dre am sequence music***I look at Frey sitting there, probably stoned out of his mind and wracked with grief because Lilly is gone, and I am instantly reminded of the biblical story of the immaculate conception. Picture it, Mary standing in the center of a huge ditch showing her 9 months of pregnancy awaiting her inevitable doom all while telling onlookers that this child...ahhh...the one, you know, God's son!....yea yea that’s it, God's son will save all of us from the wrath of God....yeah, God did it. I could hear Oprah's audience chanting "stone him, stone the motherf****r him" followed by, "seriously Oprah, where’s our new car?" As Oprah ascends from her stage on Chicago's near west side back up to her throne in heaven she utters the now glorious diatribe against the reviled author; "It is difficult for me to talk to you because I really feel duped...but more importantly I feel that you betrayed millions of readers. "

Who the hell is she kidding that is what I really want to know. I read the book and I could tell from the first few paragraphs that at best, the story was exaggerated? I mean, please! He is passed out on a plane with a bleeding from a 1" hole in his cheek, teeth completely knocked out, and boxers full of piss and shit...yeah....tell me Oprah, what airline was that anyway? Don't get me wrong, I have always admired her, but I do not believe for a minute that she took this book at 100% face value. If she did, she is very naive. Furthermore, if the queen of talk really felt that the book was so misleading and such a betrayal to her readers, then why did she not demand that the Oprah's Book Club seal be removed. Well, we know why....but it’s a point she neglected to address during her sermon. (hint: $$)

Come and knock on our door....

And then there were 3.....


It has been a week and she still comes back to the apartment after work!! Translation: I have not yet driven here to intense psycho-therapy or hard drugs. **snaps for JS** And for you ladies and gentlemen that need an hour and a half to get ready in the morning (me), take note; this international phenom is up, showers, dresses, and is out the door in 15 minutes. However, I have never gotten close enough at this hour to see if eyes were fully operational....welcome, heres to a great stint in casa JS/MKO.

Side Notes:

• Thanks Fanny for hostessing the Super Bowl party. It was a lot of fun, even if the end result wasn't what I had hoped for. Refs suck!
• Love the new job; however, I have yet to be put on an assignment which makes the days drag a little. On the up side, I have really befriended the Crate and Barrel outlet store next door.
• MKO is waiting to hear back on a groovy job here in the district. I am really hoping that it comes through.
• That groundhog needs to go! Is it me or did this crappy weather start up after that overgrown bloated rat ran back into its hole. I hate him.
• Running...dieting...abstaining from beer...mood varies.

Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty.....

Ok, well maybe it is not been that bad, but for anyone who has worked for the federal government, there is uneasiness about abandoning the safety and security of the bureaucratic black hole. Two weeks ago today, I did just that and to my surprise, I survived. However, the week leading up to my departure was at minimum, bizarre.

First let me start with a little advice to those considering a career change; never, and I mean NEVER give a month notice. I made such a mistake back in December. It was the right thing to do...right? WRONG.

Picture this;

The Notice: In a role worthy of a best actor nod (watch out Jake...grr), I went to my supervisor and with great sorrow in my voice and compassion in my eyes, I informed her that I had decided to depart the (stealing a line from Pie Pants) blah blibdy blah blah agency. Her response: "Thank God, you could not be leaving at a better time. This is not the place for someone with your drive and talent". Oh no she didn't, this bitch totally steals my thunder and whats more, obviously aspiring to take the gold statuette for best dramatic performance by a bitter bitch playing the role of a supportive senior government cog, is truly genuine. She actually gets up and hugs me. Things could not have gone better. I walk out skipping.

Three/Two Weeks To Go: Its the week between Christmas and New Years and everyone, well at least 70% of the agency is gone. I spend the week working my ass off trying to make a dent in the files on my desk. I meet with boss lady, who by the way is still so supportive I want to puke, and go over a laundry list of items to take care of before I leave. I could not believe how extensive, but I the one that volunteered to give the four week notice. I ask for and receive the priority for each item. I then hit the list with a vengeance. All is good....I feel good and I get an excellent X-mas gift from MKO.

Two Weeks to Go: I'm now at that point where just about everyone knows that I am leaving. All is going smooth. Isn't it terrible that the only time people make you feel welcome is when you’re leaving? It is late in the week and something weird starts to happen. I keep getting pulled aside by colleagues wanting to know where I am going and what I am going to be doing all while slipping me their business card. T

The next day in the middle of a team meeting all hell breaks loose. My supervisor wants to know how my final tasks are progressing and I give what I think is a positive report....really I didn't have much left to do.

Boss: When will task X be complete? (Mind you this is the lowest priority item)

Me: It will be done by next Friday.

Boss: IT NEEDS TO BE DONE BEFORE YOU LEAVE!

Me (internal voice): What the f***?

Me: I don't see a problem with it being done before next Friday. The only problem I can see is if something goes wrong with priority #1 Project.

Boss: (rolls eyes), just make sure it’s done.

Pissed, I go back to my desk and finish this crucial project before I left for the day.

Forward Final Day: What in the hell is going on???? It is Friday, January 20...D day. I have completed the work I was assigned, trained staff on ongoing projects, and cleaned out my desk. So I sit and wait, I know that boss lady will be around soon to give me an awkward goodbye....I sit and I wait. Its 3:15, I know it is coming soon....I start to twitch a little...how long will this take. She leaves at 3:45 so I know it will have to be soon...I sit and I wait. That bitter bitch trumped me again, now seeking the statuette for best bitch within the federal government, giving Condi a run for her money!!

Moral of the Story: Never give a four week notice. The reason for this is simple your boss, whether it be male/female/government manager, is dying to wear a couture Coco Chanel dress and $100,000,000 worth of diamonds on the red carpet in March.

Just when you thought Tom was safe....

Like most of you I spent this past weekend thinking of how we can get Tom out of this mess. Towards the end of the week things for "The Hammer" were starting to look up. His request for a new judge seems highly likely considering the current one, Judge Bob Perkins, was a recent contributor to MoveOn.org. Which as you know, anyone who contributes to Move On cannot be trusted with presiding over any legal preceding. However, over the weekend I came across some value information that leads me to believe that Judge Perkins may be the lesser of Mr. Delay's worries....see below

As you can see from these photos, in his effort to discredit Judge Perkins and Tumble Weed Junction Prosecutor Ronnie Earle, Tom is showing demonstrating his honestly by confessing to the world that "he has sinned against us", he has flaws...he has the dreaded...uneven nostrils.

There is no way out now

Damn its hard....

So, heres the thing. I have been toiling over this blog thing for quite a while now....What will I say, what will I do to turn an angel's eye my wa...it. That's not it. My bad....So, anyway...I read all the hot ones, you know, Pie Pants, The Bar-eaucrat, and D.C., Seattle, and beyond and as you can imagine, i felt like any contribution I made would be insignificant...What could I possibly contribute...oh..me...I hope you enjoy.

My Picture of the Day
Tom Delay's mug shot