Happy New Year

I am not a huge fan of New Year Resolutions, but as I stare 40 right between the eyes (it hasn't flinched yet, but I'll keep you posted), I am becoming more contemplative and open to this silly form of the outward expression of my vunerabilities. I am resolved to becoming a better and more considerate friend. I know what you are thinking; "but John, you are so calm, patient and tolerant with all of us, how could you do more?". And my response...are you that stupid? I'm an ass!

So, here are some things that I am going to fucus on:

1. Answer my phone when it rings


2. Respond more quickly to voice/e-mails


3. Be more tolerant to nice people that do/say stupid things


4. Quit doing/saying stupid things


5. Forgive rather than plot and scheme


6. Listen and restrain the compulsion to comment or advise


7. Drink less, talk less, sleep more


8. Be more inclusive and less snide


9. Compliment rather than Critisize (except for thongs that hang out)

Well, I think thats a good start. Certainly a big task, but hell, I have a year finish it. Oh, and the first person that says; "You know John, remember rule #3, your not being very tolerant..." ITS ON! This is my resolution not your checklist for my entry into heaven....opps, just broke rule #4

Remember this, my 2000 resolution was to quick smoking, and that has been wildly successful...heres to 2007, and 2010...bring it bitch!

Saturday June 10....just a day

This week went by with lil fanfare. Fanny is in some foreign land (Elsalvador) for eleven days, NS has smuggled my baby to an even more foreign land (Nebraska) and Katie is laid up or getting laid, I'm not sure. MKO and I are busy with the new house and preparing for Mom and Gran to come rolling through next week. I think that the cats are becoming suspicious that something is happening. I mean, we do remove furniture, and from their perspective, it is never seen again.

I put the apartment out on the SPEA listserv this week in my first attempt to "give back" to my alumni. It is a sweet apartment and has served us well. I have fond memories of the Fondu party, Wine & Cheese Party, and the "Welcome to D.C." party last fall. Anyway, I'm gonna miss this old place.

You know your old when...

**This is funny as hell. I sat down this afternoon to update my blog. If you can believe it, Fanny had the nerve to scold me for not updating my blog...yep...I did say Fanny (the nerve). Anyway, I opened this draft with the intention to deleting it and laughed. I have no idea where I was going with this thought. It is now clear that I have reached that point in life where it is not just others that and I am not listening too, but myself as well....damn pitty.**

So here is the game. Lets each come up with an ending to this story. You know the players and you know my twisted mind.....lets see what Chrissy does next.

Sweet Taste of Being Right....

Being "Mr. Know-it-all" has finally paid off for me. Not in real U.S. American dollars of course, because that would be gambling, but rather something much closer to one's heart, Bryers Ice Cream. I love this story, not so much because of the ice cream, but because of the irony.

Picture this...

The whole episode started this past Monday morning. MKO and I had decided to travel back in time, I mean... fly back to Indiana this weekend. Having not been back since September I was amazed that NOTHING had changed. I mean it folks, those of you that were in Bloomington with me, believe me when I say it is the same. Fortunately that played to my advantage when I wanted a beer...ole reliable was propped up on a bar stool when I entered the Alley Bar....that was fun, but not the point. Ok, the rest of the weekend want well...blah blah....you don't say, well...blah blah....OMG, fax me later.....!

Monday Morning (Ice Cream D-Day)
My flight leaves at 7:15 which means to the airport by 6:15 which means, leave by 5:15 to make the hour long trek to the IND airport, which means, get up at 4:00 to get ready for work before leaving for the airport = TIRED AS HELL WHEN I GOT OFF WORK!


MKO wasn't due to arrive until the following morning and, because I didn't feel like being responsbile (i.e. lanundry, dishes), I decided beer was a good alternative. So I sent out "the call" and it was not long before myself, Skechko, Fanny, Interenational Pheonom, Schwenny, and Lil KA assembled at a small cafe/buffet for an evening of antics.


Having a blast we are, then it happens. International needs a glass of wine, this is shortly after Schwenny decided that no one should ever drink out of her glass again and breaks it. So she hails down the bartender.

Ok, lets be honest

I am about to round out my fourth week in the private sector and I think its time to come clean. Since leaving the GAO back in January I have had a lot of friends, family, and acquaintances inquire about my new job.

• How is the private sector different from the public?
• Are you working crazy hours?
• What cool projects are you working on?

Thus far my stock answer to all has been that things are going great, which for the most part is true but with one small caveat: I have not done anything yet. The highlight today was finding the cupboard that houses the steno pads. I am not sure why I thought I needed one, but I can now proudly call one my own. That being said, considering the seven months I spent at the GAO, the new place is great.

What GT has that the GAO does not:

• professionalism,
• positive reinforcement,
• strong work ethic, and
• blatant favoritism.

So, until I become inundated with tons of work, keep an eye on my blog and I'll keep an eye on yours.

NS, this ones for you...

Sunday, February 12, 2:30 am

Last night was on of my favorite since moving to D.C. last July. For the most part it was pretty routine. Me, MKO, Skecko, TJ, & Tim met at Union Station had a quick beer at Capitol City Brewing Company, save me (still abstaining), after which the three "dudes" walked to the Hawk and Dove for some fancy tw0-stepping. Like I said, with the exception of the absence of some key players, it was a pretty routine night. What made it so exception was the snow.

I guess I am a kid at heart because I love snow! I hope everyone is enjoying this weekend as much as I did.

Think Spring

What's up Oprah's Ass?

I finally finished it! It was hard ignoring all of the negative media surrounding James Frey's book, A Million Little Pieces, but I did (thank God for short attention spans...right?) and late last night, I concluded my literary adventure. First, let me give mad props to Fanny and Jena for recommending the book to me; I concur, the book is very intense.

Getting back to my original question then; what in the hell is up Oprah's ass? I watched the clips from Larry King Live Show in which the author was interviewed where Oprah made that no infamous call into the show reasserting her support for the reformed addict. I then watched parts of her follow-up interview with Frey in a "live" show designed to provide the viewer comfort in knowing that she was going to trap this evil doer. It was at the point that I had a vision.....**queue the dre am sequence music***I look at Frey sitting there, probably stoned out of his mind and wracked with grief because Lilly is gone, and I am instantly reminded of the biblical story of the immaculate conception. Picture it, Mary standing in the center of a huge ditch showing her 9 months of pregnancy awaiting her inevitable doom all while telling onlookers that this child...ahhh...the one, you know, God's son!....yea yea that’s it, God's son will save all of us from the wrath of God....yeah, God did it. I could hear Oprah's audience chanting "stone him, stone the motherf****r him" followed by, "seriously Oprah, where’s our new car?" As Oprah ascends from her stage on Chicago's near west side back up to her throne in heaven she utters the now glorious diatribe against the reviled author; "It is difficult for me to talk to you because I really feel duped...but more importantly I feel that you betrayed millions of readers. "

Who the hell is she kidding that is what I really want to know. I read the book and I could tell from the first few paragraphs that at best, the story was exaggerated? I mean, please! He is passed out on a plane with a bleeding from a 1" hole in his cheek, teeth completely knocked out, and boxers full of piss and shit...yeah....tell me Oprah, what airline was that anyway? Don't get me wrong, I have always admired her, but I do not believe for a minute that she took this book at 100% face value. If she did, she is very naive. Furthermore, if the queen of talk really felt that the book was so misleading and such a betrayal to her readers, then why did she not demand that the Oprah's Book Club seal be removed. Well, we know why....but it’s a point she neglected to address during her sermon. (hint: $$)

Come and knock on our door....

And then there were 3.....


It has been a week and she still comes back to the apartment after work!! Translation: I have not yet driven here to intense psycho-therapy or hard drugs. **snaps for JS** And for you ladies and gentlemen that need an hour and a half to get ready in the morning (me), take note; this international phenom is up, showers, dresses, and is out the door in 15 minutes. However, I have never gotten close enough at this hour to see if eyes were fully operational....welcome, heres to a great stint in casa JS/MKO.

Side Notes:

• Thanks Fanny for hostessing the Super Bowl party. It was a lot of fun, even if the end result wasn't what I had hoped for. Refs suck!
• Love the new job; however, I have yet to be put on an assignment which makes the days drag a little. On the up side, I have really befriended the Crate and Barrel outlet store next door.
• MKO is waiting to hear back on a groovy job here in the district. I am really hoping that it comes through.
• That groundhog needs to go! Is it me or did this crappy weather start up after that overgrown bloated rat ran back into its hole. I hate him.
• Running...dieting...abstaining from beer...mood varies.

Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty.....

Ok, well maybe it is not been that bad, but for anyone who has worked for the federal government, there is uneasiness about abandoning the safety and security of the bureaucratic black hole. Two weeks ago today, I did just that and to my surprise, I survived. However, the week leading up to my departure was at minimum, bizarre.

First let me start with a little advice to those considering a career change; never, and I mean NEVER give a month notice. I made such a mistake back in December. It was the right thing to do...right? WRONG.

Picture this;

The Notice: In a role worthy of a best actor nod (watch out Jake...grr), I went to my supervisor and with great sorrow in my voice and compassion in my eyes, I informed her that I had decided to depart the (stealing a line from Pie Pants) blah blibdy blah blah agency. Her response: "Thank God, you could not be leaving at a better time. This is not the place for someone with your drive and talent". Oh no she didn't, this bitch totally steals my thunder and whats more, obviously aspiring to take the gold statuette for best dramatic performance by a bitter bitch playing the role of a supportive senior government cog, is truly genuine. She actually gets up and hugs me. Things could not have gone better. I walk out skipping.

Three/Two Weeks To Go: Its the week between Christmas and New Years and everyone, well at least 70% of the agency is gone. I spend the week working my ass off trying to make a dent in the files on my desk. I meet with boss lady, who by the way is still so supportive I want to puke, and go over a laundry list of items to take care of before I leave. I could not believe how extensive, but I the one that volunteered to give the four week notice. I ask for and receive the priority for each item. I then hit the list with a vengeance. All is good....I feel good and I get an excellent X-mas gift from MKO.

Two Weeks to Go: I'm now at that point where just about everyone knows that I am leaving. All is going smooth. Isn't it terrible that the only time people make you feel welcome is when you’re leaving? It is late in the week and something weird starts to happen. I keep getting pulled aside by colleagues wanting to know where I am going and what I am going to be doing all while slipping me their business card. T

The next day in the middle of a team meeting all hell breaks loose. My supervisor wants to know how my final tasks are progressing and I give what I think is a positive report....really I didn't have much left to do.

Boss: When will task X be complete? (Mind you this is the lowest priority item)

Me: It will be done by next Friday.

Boss: IT NEEDS TO BE DONE BEFORE YOU LEAVE!

Me (internal voice): What the f***?

Me: I don't see a problem with it being done before next Friday. The only problem I can see is if something goes wrong with priority #1 Project.

Boss: (rolls eyes), just make sure it’s done.

Pissed, I go back to my desk and finish this crucial project before I left for the day.

Forward Final Day: What in the hell is going on???? It is Friday, January 20...D day. I have completed the work I was assigned, trained staff on ongoing projects, and cleaned out my desk. So I sit and wait, I know that boss lady will be around soon to give me an awkward goodbye....I sit and I wait. Its 3:15, I know it is coming soon....I start to twitch a little...how long will this take. She leaves at 3:45 so I know it will have to be soon...I sit and I wait. That bitter bitch trumped me again, now seeking the statuette for best bitch within the federal government, giving Condi a run for her money!!

Moral of the Story: Never give a four week notice. The reason for this is simple your boss, whether it be male/female/government manager, is dying to wear a couture Coco Chanel dress and $100,000,000 worth of diamonds on the red carpet in March.